09 July 2010

Soul-searching and conclusions

Sitting in the sunshine outside the little pavilion”guarding” my exhibition I’ve had a lot of time to think. Mostly I have been wondering why the exhibition hasn’t made me feel happy or satisfied but made me feel unsecure, shy, exposed, vulnerable and lonely instead. To be quite honest I don’t like having an exhibition one bit! Oh the opening night was lovely with family and friends gathering drinking cider, eating strawberries and looking at my art – a very warm and comfy feeling – it’s what comes after that is terrifying.

It is very hard to explain why the exhibition has made me feel the way it does. I think that one very important reason is that I am also selling my art and I am SO not cut out to be a salesperson. I sit outside knitting in the sunshine and almost hope that no one will come up the stairs and go inside to look at my stuff. When someone actually steps inside they are all very nice and admire what I have done but still I want to run in the opposite direction….. Could it be that artists using art galleries do it to avoid something of what I am going through???

Am I making any sense here or are you marking me as a nutcase?

Anyway, these past days of soul-searching has made me come to the conclusion that I probably won’t have any more exhibitions. I still need creative challenges though but my soul-searching gave me some ideas about that too. I am thinking about a book or maybe to do some classes ….I would like to help people find their creativity!

So many people walk through life thinking that they are not creative. But most people are, they just don’t know how to get started….I am a person rather in lack of self confidence but I know one thing that I am good at – really good at - and that is working with groups of people to make them see another perspective, focus on solutions and see their own contributions to what they have achieved. Yeah, yeah I know – how about using some of that knowledge on myself - but it’s always easier to teach others right? So I would like to explore different ways to make people go creative!!!

I love the creative process! I love having a goal and something to work very hard for but I don’t think that that goal for me is having an exhibition. My most creative moments are often inspired by a special person, someone I want to make something very special for….and when selling your stuff some of that magic disappears.

So now that the exhibition is over some of my stuff just might find it’s way down some of my dear blog friends letterboxes……

Because you are very special persons to me.

Take care


Angela Louise said...

Hi at last dear Jeanette!
I have been dashing in and looking at your posts ever so quickly...now it is time to comment.
I know a little of what you are going through as I use to get the same feelings when I use to have open garden. No matter how much you enjoy what you have created, you put yourself into a very vulnerable position when you put it on show. It's a little like that with selling the charms in the shop. All of a sudden you think, "are they good enough?" Even when there are lots of positive comments and lots are getting sold. Silly us!
I think all you can do is keep creating, enjoy all the positive feedback and know that it might not be evryone's cup of tea but it sure does make a lot of people happy, incuding yourself!
Keep creating Jeanette...your creations are fabulous and very unique.
All the best to you in whatever you get up to next.
Sending you a big warm hug,
PS I LOVED all the photos from your exhition. So nice to see you and your family and your art.

ellie said...

It's been much too long since I commented here... I've been enjoying your beautiful country-side photos and living.

I understand what you mean about putting yourself out there, and feeling self conscious and almost inadequate. It's really hard to let your art go (out into the big wide world), and take feedback. Positive or negative - both is hard to hear, for me (sometimes I think positive is just people trying to make me feel better, but they don't really mean it - all those feelings of not being good enough surfacing).

I guess the only, or best, thing to do is make things that make you happy (the making of it as well as the actual finished item), and that way if someone loves it that's wonderful. If someone doesn't then that's good too - wouldn't it be boring if we all liked the same things in life......

Perhaps if you don't want to keep exposing yourself / your art in exhibitions, then teachings is an excellent idea. I constantly have people wanting to do workshops with me - and it's such an inspiring thing to do; they get to learn something and I see a new viewpoint on something I do often.
Teaching is a hard thing to do - and not everyone can do it; so if you can, then you should go ahead and share your amazing talents that way.

{In reality you would possibly make more money and less time doing workshops that trying to sell your artwork... That's the way it is here in Australia, at the moment}.

Enjoy your holidays, and long sunsets and eating your garden fresh salads. You lucky girl (I'm planning, dreaming, wishing on my country home).

Take care.

Val said...

Hi Jeanette - I was going to ask how your Exhibition went, until I read this post! I so understand what you are saying - it is the journey you enjoy, not the destination! Enjoying the journey is what teaching is about (I've done it for quite a while - retired from teaching now) and the feedback you get is just wonderful! People say 'if it wasn't for you showing me how ....... I would never be where I am ....... etc. and it feeds your soul. If you know you are good at it, and will ENJOY doing it - it is worth all the time and effort, believe me.
I am so moved (to tears almost) that you sent me a piece of your beautiful art in the shape of a Guardian Angel - I love her - thankyou so much Jeanette, you are very generous.