09 July 2010
Soul-searching and conclusions
Sitting in the sunshine outside the little pavilion”guarding” my exhibition I’ve had a lot of time to think. Mostly I have been wondering why the exhibition hasn’t made me feel happy or satisfied but made me feel unsecure, shy, exposed, vulnerable and lonely instead. To be quite honest I don’t like having an exhibition one bit! Oh the opening night was lovely with family and friends gathering drinking cider, eating strawberries and looking at my art – a very warm and comfy feeling – it’s what comes after that is terrifying.
It is very hard to explain why the exhibition has made me feel the way it does. I think that one very important reason is that I am also selling my art and I am SO not cut out to be a salesperson. I sit outside knitting in the sunshine and almost hope that no one will come up the stairs and go inside to look at my stuff. When someone actually steps inside they are all very nice and admire what I have done but still I want to run in the opposite direction….. Could it be that artists using art galleries do it to avoid something of what I am going through???
Am I making any sense here or are you marking me as a nutcase?
Anyway, these past days of soul-searching has made me come to the conclusion that I probably won’t have any more exhibitions. I still need creative challenges though but my soul-searching gave me some ideas about that too. I am thinking about a book or maybe to do some classes ….I would like to help people find their creativity!
So many people walk through life thinking that they are not creative. But most people are, they just don’t know how to get started….I am a person rather in lack of self confidence but I know one thing that I am good at – really good at - and that is working with groups of people to make them see another perspective, focus on solutions and see their own contributions to what they have achieved. Yeah, yeah I know – how about using some of that knowledge on myself - but it’s always easier to teach others right? So I would like to explore different ways to make people go creative!!!
I love the creative process! I love having a goal and something to work very hard for but I don’t think that that goal for me is having an exhibition. My most creative moments are often inspired by a special person, someone I want to make something very special for….and when selling your stuff some of that magic disappears.
So now that the exhibition is over some of my stuff just might find it’s way down some of my dear blog friends letterboxes……
Because you are very special persons to me.