02 September 2009
The difficulty of asking for help
I have always been rather hard on myself especially when it comes to what I think I ought to manage on my own. Many a times I have put up a brave face saying I’ll manage, don’t bother about me and then silently cried when on my own or panicked thinking someday they will discover what a great big fraud I am. A natural result of this is that I am not very good at asking for help either and this isn’t just work related but also when it comes to my private life. The difference is that when it comes to work I really think that I ought to manage on my own however impossible the task is but when it comes to married life its more in terms of me thinking my husband ought to know I need help (or a hug, or encouragement, or..) without me having to ask for it……you know, like if he doubled as a mind reader or something.
To not become the south of Sweden’s biggest martyr is something I have to fight everyday. I don’t want to be the kind of woman who turns all silent and cold answering her husband’s question of “what’s wrong ” with a “nothing” in a 20 degrees below zero voice and a rigid body language really saying “everything is wrong” you insensitive so and so. It’s not the kind of roll model I want to be to my daughters either.
Today I read in a book that the help and kindness you receive isn’t worth less because you asked for it yourself. Reading it was one of them mind revealing “Ah, I can see the light” moments, an eye-opener because it really was so true. Of course it isn’t worth less, it’s the act of kindness in it self that is worth something not what brought it about.
I suppose that deep down it all has something to do with self esteem or self confidence, a feeling deep in side that you yourself are worth something. Being worth something makes your doings not as important as your “beings” and asking for help doesn’t signal failure.
I made the wet felt with embrodery on the picture above a few weeks back with something else in mind but the message I wrote goes quite well with todays revelation as well.
Hard lessons learnt
and not doing
Brings hope for the future
A human being
not a human doing